Who I Am Hates Who I've Been

In order to occupy my fingers as my slow, spiraling decent into madness kicks on its' afterburners - and since one can only masturbate so many times in a day - I've decided to write down my mindless drivel in the hopes of maintining my own sanity, as well as teaching you all some valuable lessons that I just made up...

I think the main thing that attracted me to music was that it was mysterious.  This mind-altering noise created by geniuses of whom I could only view from afar.  These weren't people I could touch, smell, relate to, or even dream of being of their status.  They were almost fictitious in the way that I would never know them... only to get brief peeks into their lives via backstage footage or 'Behind the Music'-esque documentaries.  I had no idea who they were in their regular lives, only that they made the soundtrack of my life, and drove me to attempt to be them.

Nowadays the spectrum has changed.  Thanks to twitter and facebook and myspace, I now know that Kristofer Drew (or however the fuck you spell his dumb name) LoVeS PeaNut BuTter And JeLly... Kanye West is nuts, and Lindsay Lohan has NOTHING TO SAY!!!  Celebrities are dorks just like us.... I HATE THAT...

I miss the days where I idolized these people.  I don't want to know what they eat for lunch, or where they are shopping.  I liked believing they were Gods and Goddesses who ate rainbows and shit ice cream.... I don't want all access... I don't want to be their peers... I want them to be back on their unreachable pedestal where I can only throw rocks with hopes of getting their attention, and write unrequited letters (Thanks Fat Mike!?!!1??!?).

The point is... I love music as a thing.  It's one of the most important things in life.  It expresses what you feel better than you or I can.  It's power is only matched by its' ability to make a change.  Certain songs seem like they were written FOR me by someone I've never met.  However, its' been humanized to a point where I can't stand it.  I miss what I knew as music... There are no idols anymore... There are no Gods... And I fear there never will be.

Amen.