I had this great plan. I spent the last couple of days recording some new songs I had written, with hope of putting out music for a new project. After the eighth or ninth time I rushed to the computer to get little to nothing done, I'm feeling like I always do.... like an abused girlfriend who keeps coming back to the abuser. Music feels more like a prison than a creative outlet.
I started a page on Facebook for this new project I called '1FM'. The idea behind it was going to be a collective of musicians contributing to one record of songs I had written. Also there would be photographers and podcasts, yadda yadda. The truth is.... I'm putting so much time and energy into something I have become completely numb to. Frankly, the one thing I am pretty good at - writing and arranging songs - seems like it's taken my whole life and left me nothing to show but tattoos and cell phone pictures.
I am quickly losing my grasp on who I am. Music was my identity, but now it seems trivial. What do I mean to this world? Am I simply waiting to die? I try to be a good parent, but does that just perpetuate the circle of failure? The world right now seems very large, and I am feeling quite insignificant. I would like to think I have a gift to give the world, that I matter in the grand scheme of things... but do I?? It seems more likely that after my grandchildren grow up, I will be merely a memory.
Ugh..... Maybe the weather is getting to me, but there has to be more. I don't mean in a 'higher power' sense, but... just... more. I've been busting my ass for a long time, and it just seems as though everyone else around me is having such an easier time with life than I am. Maybe it's me. Maybe I can't adjust as the world revolves. Sometimes I swear I can feel it moving under my feet.
I enjoy my job, love my wife, and am so proud to watch my children grow... but I am feeling now that my time is over. My task now is to simply help them be the best people they can. With my state of mind at the moment, that just seems like a neverending cycle where no one excels. I'm feeling like I wasted alot of my life. I feel like I've failed.... I'm hanging up the guitar for awhile... if not forever... I'm not going to spend one more second being flogged by my own obsession. At least when you go hunting you come back with a buck... maybe a new hobby.... maybe not.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
You Talk Pretty Words
I want to say 'thank you' to everyone who asked me about this blog, and why it disappeared. I'm glad that at least six of you read it. I recently started working again, and it is a bizarre shift to where I have very little time where I'm alert and awake enough to come up with witty observations on today's socio-political issues.
BUT.... I'm happy to be back, and I have some things to talk about!
In this, the age of instant communication, I am seeing a disturbing trend. In the world of texts, Twitters, and assorted FaceBookery, people are completely unable to form proper sentences, use correct grammar, or SPELL. Texting is causing an abysmal form of shorthand, and I honestly think that no one under the age of 20 has an understanding of the English language.
I LOL at your hideous grammar. I ROFL at your egregious misspellings (NOTE: I used spell check to make sure I spelled that correctly..... but I digress). Oh, and a semicolon is for more than just making flirtatious winking smiley faces.
It seems as though reading and comprehension are going to become irrelevant, and its' sad. I'm not the smartest person in the world..... Alright, maybe... but, my ability to read well, and use a thesaurus have helped me test better, understand what I read, and make people think I'm smarter than I am because I use bigger words. You look like an asshole when you don't know the difference between there, their, and they're. To and too are not the same thing. READ A BOOK you jackwagon.
Moving along....
I'm one of those rare metrosexuals who loves sports. I religiously watch the Phillies, 76ers, and Eagles. However I think the NFL are a bunch of dicks.
This idea that the Super Bowl has to be on a Sunday is retarded. No offense to any retards reading this, but make it on a Saturday. They jam it with so many commercials and Black Eyed Peas (more on that later), that it's not over till about midnight. The lack of workforce on Mondays-after-Super Bowls would be enough evidence for me to move the game to a Saturday, so everyone can have fun, get drunk, win their bets ( <=== SEE -- THEIR... BECAUSE IT BELONGS TO.... nevermind), and I'm sure the NFL would not lose one advertising dollar.
Also, whomever is planning the halftime shows needs to be drawn and quartered. The average football fan is, like, some 40 year old, overweight, wife-hating shovenist, who is looking for an escape from his miserable life, and an excuse to drink beer. He has devoted his entire life to this team, this sport, and - you reward him with the Black Eyed Peas. Awesome. They could have had the decency to cuddle with us after they fucked us. What an absolute shit-show that was. Joe-schmo, as described above, doesn't give two flying shits about modrern dance-pop. He wants Dokken, or Metallica, or Maiden, or some other equally testosterone fueled alt-rock. By the way, the two 'other guys' in that Black Eyed Peas have a sweet deal. They didn't do shit. They are hanging on for the ride and I say, kudos other guys.
Well.... hopefully I have some more things to write about in the future. Thanks again to the folks who have reached out and asked me to keep writing. See ya!
BUT.... I'm happy to be back, and I have some things to talk about!
In this, the age of instant communication, I am seeing a disturbing trend. In the world of texts, Twitters, and assorted FaceBookery, people are completely unable to form proper sentences, use correct grammar, or SPELL. Texting is causing an abysmal form of shorthand, and I honestly think that no one under the age of 20 has an understanding of the English language.
I LOL at your hideous grammar. I ROFL at your egregious misspellings (NOTE: I used spell check to make sure I spelled that correctly..... but I digress). Oh, and a semicolon is for more than just making flirtatious winking smiley faces.
It seems as though reading and comprehension are going to become irrelevant, and its' sad. I'm not the smartest person in the world..... Alright, maybe... but, my ability to read well, and use a thesaurus have helped me test better, understand what I read, and make people think I'm smarter than I am because I use bigger words. You look like an asshole when you don't know the difference between there, their, and they're. To and too are not the same thing. READ A BOOK you jackwagon.
Moving along....
I'm one of those rare metrosexuals who loves sports. I religiously watch the Phillies, 76ers, and Eagles. However I think the NFL are a bunch of dicks.
This idea that the Super Bowl has to be on a Sunday is retarded. No offense to any retards reading this, but make it on a Saturday. They jam it with so many commercials and Black Eyed Peas (more on that later), that it's not over till about midnight. The lack of workforce on Mondays-after-Super Bowls would be enough evidence for me to move the game to a Saturday, so everyone can have fun, get drunk, win their bets ( <=== SEE -- THEIR... BECAUSE IT BELONGS TO.... nevermind), and I'm sure the NFL would not lose one advertising dollar.
Also, whomever is planning the halftime shows needs to be drawn and quartered. The average football fan is, like, some 40 year old, overweight, wife-hating shovenist, who is looking for an escape from his miserable life, and an excuse to drink beer. He has devoted his entire life to this team, this sport, and - you reward him with the Black Eyed Peas. Awesome. They could have had the decency to cuddle with us after they fucked us. What an absolute shit-show that was. Joe-schmo, as described above, doesn't give two flying shits about modrern dance-pop. He wants Dokken, or Metallica, or Maiden, or some other equally testosterone fueled alt-rock. By the way, the two 'other guys' in that Black Eyed Peas have a sweet deal. They didn't do shit. They are hanging on for the ride and I say, kudos other guys.
Well.... hopefully I have some more things to write about in the future. Thanks again to the folks who have reached out and asked me to keep writing. See ya!
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