I had this great plan. I spent the last couple of days recording some new songs I had written, with hope of putting out music for a new project. After the eighth or ninth time I rushed to the computer to get little to nothing done, I'm feeling like I always do.... like an abused girlfriend who keeps coming back to the abuser. Music feels more like a prison than a creative outlet.
I started a page on Facebook for this new project I called '1FM'. The idea behind it was going to be a collective of musicians contributing to one record of songs I had written. Also there would be photographers and podcasts, yadda yadda. The truth is.... I'm putting so much time and energy into something I have become completely numb to. Frankly, the one thing I am pretty good at - writing and arranging songs - seems like it's taken my whole life and left me nothing to show but tattoos and cell phone pictures.
I am quickly losing my grasp on who I am. Music was my identity, but now it seems trivial. What do I mean to this world? Am I simply waiting to die? I try to be a good parent, but does that just perpetuate the circle of failure? The world right now seems very large, and I am feeling quite insignificant. I would like to think I have a gift to give the world, that I matter in the grand scheme of things... but do I?? It seems more likely that after my grandchildren grow up, I will be merely a memory.
Ugh..... Maybe the weather is getting to me, but there has to be more. I don't mean in a 'higher power' sense, but... just... more. I've been busting my ass for a long time, and it just seems as though everyone else around me is having such an easier time with life than I am. Maybe it's me. Maybe I can't adjust as the world revolves. Sometimes I swear I can feel it moving under my feet.
I enjoy my job, love my wife, and am so proud to watch my children grow... but I am feeling now that my time is over. My task now is to simply help them be the best people they can. With my state of mind at the moment, that just seems like a neverending cycle where no one excels. I'm feeling like I wasted alot of my life. I feel like I've failed.... I'm hanging up the guitar for awhile... if not forever... I'm not going to spend one more second being flogged by my own obsession. At least when you go hunting you come back with a buck... maybe a new hobby.... maybe not.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
You Talk Pretty Words
I want to say 'thank you' to everyone who asked me about this blog, and why it disappeared. I'm glad that at least six of you read it. I recently started working again, and it is a bizarre shift to where I have very little time where I'm alert and awake enough to come up with witty observations on today's socio-political issues.
BUT.... I'm happy to be back, and I have some things to talk about!
In this, the age of instant communication, I am seeing a disturbing trend. In the world of texts, Twitters, and assorted FaceBookery, people are completely unable to form proper sentences, use correct grammar, or SPELL. Texting is causing an abysmal form of shorthand, and I honestly think that no one under the age of 20 has an understanding of the English language.
I LOL at your hideous grammar. I ROFL at your egregious misspellings (NOTE: I used spell check to make sure I spelled that correctly..... but I digress). Oh, and a semicolon is for more than just making flirtatious winking smiley faces.
It seems as though reading and comprehension are going to become irrelevant, and its' sad. I'm not the smartest person in the world..... Alright, maybe... but, my ability to read well, and use a thesaurus have helped me test better, understand what I read, and make people think I'm smarter than I am because I use bigger words. You look like an asshole when you don't know the difference between there, their, and they're. To and too are not the same thing. READ A BOOK you jackwagon.
Moving along....
I'm one of those rare metrosexuals who loves sports. I religiously watch the Phillies, 76ers, and Eagles. However I think the NFL are a bunch of dicks.
This idea that the Super Bowl has to be on a Sunday is retarded. No offense to any retards reading this, but make it on a Saturday. They jam it with so many commercials and Black Eyed Peas (more on that later), that it's not over till about midnight. The lack of workforce on Mondays-after-Super Bowls would be enough evidence for me to move the game to a Saturday, so everyone can have fun, get drunk, win their bets ( <=== SEE -- THEIR... BECAUSE IT BELONGS TO.... nevermind), and I'm sure the NFL would not lose one advertising dollar.
Also, whomever is planning the halftime shows needs to be drawn and quartered. The average football fan is, like, some 40 year old, overweight, wife-hating shovenist, who is looking for an escape from his miserable life, and an excuse to drink beer. He has devoted his entire life to this team, this sport, and - you reward him with the Black Eyed Peas. Awesome. They could have had the decency to cuddle with us after they fucked us. What an absolute shit-show that was. Joe-schmo, as described above, doesn't give two flying shits about modrern dance-pop. He wants Dokken, or Metallica, or Maiden, or some other equally testosterone fueled alt-rock. By the way, the two 'other guys' in that Black Eyed Peas have a sweet deal. They didn't do shit. They are hanging on for the ride and I say, kudos other guys.
Well.... hopefully I have some more things to write about in the future. Thanks again to the folks who have reached out and asked me to keep writing. See ya!
BUT.... I'm happy to be back, and I have some things to talk about!
In this, the age of instant communication, I am seeing a disturbing trend. In the world of texts, Twitters, and assorted FaceBookery, people are completely unable to form proper sentences, use correct grammar, or SPELL. Texting is causing an abysmal form of shorthand, and I honestly think that no one under the age of 20 has an understanding of the English language.
I LOL at your hideous grammar. I ROFL at your egregious misspellings (NOTE: I used spell check to make sure I spelled that correctly..... but I digress). Oh, and a semicolon is for more than just making flirtatious winking smiley faces.
It seems as though reading and comprehension are going to become irrelevant, and its' sad. I'm not the smartest person in the world..... Alright, maybe... but, my ability to read well, and use a thesaurus have helped me test better, understand what I read, and make people think I'm smarter than I am because I use bigger words. You look like an asshole when you don't know the difference between there, their, and they're. To and too are not the same thing. READ A BOOK you jackwagon.
Moving along....
I'm one of those rare metrosexuals who loves sports. I religiously watch the Phillies, 76ers, and Eagles. However I think the NFL are a bunch of dicks.
This idea that the Super Bowl has to be on a Sunday is retarded. No offense to any retards reading this, but make it on a Saturday. They jam it with so many commercials and Black Eyed Peas (more on that later), that it's not over till about midnight. The lack of workforce on Mondays-after-Super Bowls would be enough evidence for me to move the game to a Saturday, so everyone can have fun, get drunk, win their bets ( <=== SEE -- THEIR... BECAUSE IT BELONGS TO.... nevermind), and I'm sure the NFL would not lose one advertising dollar.
Also, whomever is planning the halftime shows needs to be drawn and quartered. The average football fan is, like, some 40 year old, overweight, wife-hating shovenist, who is looking for an escape from his miserable life, and an excuse to drink beer. He has devoted his entire life to this team, this sport, and - you reward him with the Black Eyed Peas. Awesome. They could have had the decency to cuddle with us after they fucked us. What an absolute shit-show that was. Joe-schmo, as described above, doesn't give two flying shits about modrern dance-pop. He wants Dokken, or Metallica, or Maiden, or some other equally testosterone fueled alt-rock. By the way, the two 'other guys' in that Black Eyed Peas have a sweet deal. They didn't do shit. They are hanging on for the ride and I say, kudos other guys.
Well.... hopefully I have some more things to write about in the future. Thanks again to the folks who have reached out and asked me to keep writing. See ya!
Monday, January 3, 2011
The Only Thing That Stays The Same Is Change
I’ve always dreamed of being on stage at Warped Tour. I’ve always dreamed of touring the country. I’ve always dreamed of releasing a record. Thankfully, all of these came true in 2010, but, it was a long journey to get there. It started at our first show in a bowling alley in Philadelphia, took years to build our fanbase, and cumulated on September 21st, 2010 with the release of ‘Killing. Mourning. Love’.
To say that my musical journey has been difficult is an understatement. As a band, Victory In Numbers lost members to lack of interest, lack of heart, and even death – but we soldiered on. We kept going because we had a neighborhood, no, an entire city rooting for us. This is something I will never forget, nor take for granted. So, too, has my life journey been a difficult and unpredictable one.
My life changed on September 4th, 2004, and became complete on September 3rd, 2009 with the birth of my children. At 21 years old, I had to find a way to get out of my mothers’ basement and become a provider. Suddenly I had to be more than the frontman on stage. I had to be more than the benefactor of a decade performing around the Philadelphia music circuit. And after the last two years of trying to break this band out of the northeast and onto the global musical map, my outlook is a bit different.
Life on the road is fun and exhilarating, but financially difficult for someone in my position. Making ends meet has become increasingly difficult, so it is with an extremely heavy heart that I announce my departure from Victory In Numbers. For the last 15 years, this band has been my life, but there are people that need me now, and I am happy to take on the new challenge of giving my family the best possible life.
I’ve loved every second of being the voice of this band. I thank all of my Philadelphia friends and fans who were there from the beginning, as well as all the new friends and fans, and bands I met around the country. This was an amazing ride for me, and new and more amazing things are awaiting the band in the future. Brian, Joe, and Bruce will keep this dream going, and, in the true nature of this band, will hurdle this adversity and come out better for it. I love them three guys and will be in the front row at their shows, and continue to be as much of a help to their endeavors as I can.
This is also not the last you will hear from me. I will forever continue to write and record music, and if anyone wants to contact me for advice, tips, or you just have a question about the journey, I’d love to talk to you. I do urge that this is not because of in-fighting, or a big blowout argument. This was a difficult decision I had to make for the greater good, and frankly, I’m so much more focused and more present in the lives of my children than I’ve ever been. Brian, Joe, and Bruce will continue to be my best friends as they always were, and I hope everyone will continue to support them as they begin this new chapter in global domination.
Thank you everyone!
Nick Passio
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