When I was young I wanted to be something special. I had modest dreams: rock stardom, award-winning writer, world class athlete, porn star - you know, what every kid dreams of.
I always wanted to be extraordinary. The fact is, as with most people, I probably won't be. After years of insane depression, self-medication, and denial, I'm finally comfortable with that. For a long time I hated myself because I thought I wasn't special. Oh, by the way, if you have similar thoughts... DRINK heavily... it helps. For years I pissed off my wife with my constant self-loathing. She was supportive as hell, but after awhile she couldn't grasp why I kicked the mental shit out of myself.
Now I have a clear head, and I see that (cue the music), I'm pretty fuckin' cool. Depression hit me hard and young - like a priest. When I say I'm cool, I mean that I finally like myself. I'm a pretty interesting guy with alot of talents, and I've finally convinced the voices inside my head to believe that.
If you have friends with similar thoughts, be patient. When I would get upset I would shut down. My thoughts were often irrational and unpredictable, so it was hard to ask me to be rational in dealing with them. I wouldn't tell anyone what was wrong, and it frustrated the people that cared about me.
Normally I would say that depression isn't an illness. My modus operandi is to make fun of things so I don't have to deal with them. But this was one of the hardest things to shake and I'm honestly still not completely over it. My point here is that you have to accept what you CAN be. What you want to be is attainable if you give it your all, and if you're good at whatever it is. I like who I am now.... I'm a musician, a father to two amazing kids, a husband to a woman that I frankly owe my existence to, and I do my best everyday to be myself.
I know this read like some lame ass after school special, but I'm tired of hating who I wasn't. Not everyone can be Kurt Cobain, Hemingway, Peyton Manning, or Ron Jeremy... Deal with it... Be your fucking self because you will be spending alot of time with yourself... loser.... haha!
Anyway....
I peed in a cup today... it was fun.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Friday, November 12, 2010
Rum Tastes Better In The Afternoon
Yesterday was a great day for me. I wrote my little synopsis on why gays shouldn't be beaten over the head with shovels... more or less.... It worked! I had a great debate on Facebook about the pros and cons of gay parents adopting, who should judge whom... it was great!
I don't want to be the spokesperson for gay rights, but I do want it to be talked about. The best way to make a change for the better is to not be afraid to discuss it. I hope that the people that read my 'article' talked to their friends about it, and so on and so forth. These things exist, people! They aren't going to go away and that's why I will use the bully pulpit of the internet to force my not-so-humble opinions down your throat! Hell, everyone else does it, why can't I?
I wanted to start this blog for a couple reasons:
1. I have very strong opinions about serious topics that people often ignore, or won't be truthful. These opinions are often controversial, but valid nonetheless.
2. The ability to shroud myself in the anonymity of the internet so I can be as bare-bones about it as possible.
3. I'm a narcissist with time to kill.
I don't much care if people like my opinions, but I think they will. In the future of this thing, I will be dead honest about whatever I feel like talking about, and yesterday proved that. I love doing this, and I will continue doing it!! I also don't want you to expect that I'll be ranting and raving about something negative everyday... though that is highly likely.
It's Friday. I've had a very busy day, and I'm on my 2nd celebratory glass of rum and coke. Maybe Monday I will tell you why it's celebratory.
So have a great weekend. Tell someone you haven't spoken to in a while that you love them....
Tell someone you haven't seen in a while you miss them....
I got a message yesterday from someone that was really unexpected and it meant the world to me... Sometimes we take our family and friends for granted. Sometimes we get so caught up in ourselves that we forget to acknowledge others.... Don't do that.
I love you, thank you for reading, and I look forward to continuing this thing and getting your feedback on it.
Love,
Your oily neighbor... Nick
I don't want to be the spokesperson for gay rights, but I do want it to be talked about. The best way to make a change for the better is to not be afraid to discuss it. I hope that the people that read my 'article' talked to their friends about it, and so on and so forth. These things exist, people! They aren't going to go away and that's why I will use the bully pulpit of the internet to force my not-so-humble opinions down your throat! Hell, everyone else does it, why can't I?
I wanted to start this blog for a couple reasons:
1. I have very strong opinions about serious topics that people often ignore, or won't be truthful. These opinions are often controversial, but valid nonetheless.
2. The ability to shroud myself in the anonymity of the internet so I can be as bare-bones about it as possible.
3. I'm a narcissist with time to kill.
I don't much care if people like my opinions, but I think they will. In the future of this thing, I will be dead honest about whatever I feel like talking about, and yesterday proved that. I love doing this, and I will continue doing it!! I also don't want you to expect that I'll be ranting and raving about something negative everyday... though that is highly likely.
It's Friday. I've had a very busy day, and I'm on my 2nd celebratory glass of rum and coke. Maybe Monday I will tell you why it's celebratory.
So have a great weekend. Tell someone you haven't spoken to in a while that you love them....
Tell someone you haven't seen in a while you miss them....
I got a message yesterday from someone that was really unexpected and it meant the world to me... Sometimes we take our family and friends for granted. Sometimes we get so caught up in ourselves that we forget to acknowledge others.... Don't do that.
I love you, thank you for reading, and I look forward to continuing this thing and getting your feedback on it.
Love,
Your oily neighbor... Nick
Thursday, November 11, 2010
I Slept With A Dude And All I Got Was 'The Gay'
There are so many things in this world that should piss us off.... Debt, unemployment, bills, government, The Rubik's Cube... It boggles my mind that people will go to such lengths just to berate and destroy the lives of certain people and certain groups.
Listen, I'm no saint. I drink, I smoke, I curse (by the way, I can tell this one will be a doozy with the language - beware). I've also used some hateful words and laughed about it. I'm not proud of that, I'm just being honest. But aside from the recent domination of the headlines, today I will be talking about... duh duh duuuuh... GAYS.
If there's one thing television is proving, it's that gay culture is becoming much more accepted. Shows like Will & Grace, The 'L' Word, and The Teletubbies (See Fig. 1a) are forcing the stubborn public to at least take notice.
Fig. 1a - So Gay!
I have a family member, we'll call him... Anonymous Family Member A, who I watched struggle with his own sexuality. When I first met him, he was a bitter, quiet, short-tempered bastard who only left his room to eat. Now, we all knew he was gay, but he was closeted. I think he was 18 when he finally came out, and his entire temperment changed. You could see the relief in his face. He was happy, vivacious, and FABULOOOUS! I was so proud of him as were - most of - his family. Shortly after, Anonymous Family Member A had several shitty relationships until he found one that he enjoyed, and now he and his boyfriend live together.
I promise I have a point.... I have certain problems with homophobia that I will debate here.
1. "BEING GAY IS A CHOICE"
Woah there fictitious gentleman saying the above phrase!! I hate this statement, I really do. Gay people are often ridiculed by their peers, shunned by there parents and family, and tortured by their own feelings of alienation. That's like CHOOSING to be diabetic - or some other genetic issue that makes you 'different'... These kids are often hated.... HATED by their own parents because of their parents' own feelings of inadequacy. Being gay is one of the hardest lifestyles to deal with, especially because it surfaces mostly in the tender throws of puberty. Who would choose that? Hell, if being gay is a choice, thats like choosing to be ME (My mom hates me and I'm straight as an arrow!).
But I digress....
2. "GAYS SHOULDN'T GET MARRIED"
Why do you give a fuck??? As comedian Louis CK said, "you don't have to attend the wedding, or buy them a gift." Let gays get married and be miserable like the rest of us! If two people love each other to the point where they want to drain every last drop of patience, pride, and dignity out of each other for the rest of their lives.... Fuck 'em!
3. "I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE GAY, JUST DON'T HIT ON ME!"
First off, your thinly veiled bigotry isn't fooling anyone. You care very much if people are gay to the point where you don't even want to view them. Anyway... What are you talking about??? Your looks have transcended sexual preference. You should be flattered... you are the Meghan Fox of dick... Everyone wants to fuck you! I say kudos to you sir!
4. "GOD HATES FAGS"
Well then, God's an asshole... actually check that... The antiquated assholes that can't interpret the lessons of the bible and adapt them to today's circumstances are weeping, degenerate, spiteful, probably-fighting-their-own-gay-tendencies, ASSHOLES! Gays add so much to the fabric of this society it's incredible... What have you done besides hold up a hateful sign at a gay kids' funeral... Douche... Sorry...
The bottom line is this: ___________ <---- haha, you'll get that later....
Seriously though, I saw a picture that summed up everything I feel about this issue. It was a billboard on an English byway that said: "Some People Are Gay, Get Over It." I'm straight. I have a wife and two children, and I'm very happy with them... especially because my wife is hot!... BUT, stop hating people for shit they can't change about themselves. Whether you approve or dissaprove of their lifestyle, they are human beings who are amazingly beautiful people inside and out. If you had a gay child how would you treat them? Thankfully now, as I said before, gay culture is becoming pop culture. There is still a ways to go, but at least it helps.
Side note - Artie Lange had a funny joke about thinking there is TOO much gay content on TV. He said, 'It's gotten to the point now where if you're not gay.... You're a fucking fag!' I thought that was funny....
Side Side note - My wife is hot!! (See fig. 1b)
Listen, I'm no saint. I drink, I smoke, I curse (by the way, I can tell this one will be a doozy with the language - beware). I've also used some hateful words and laughed about it. I'm not proud of that, I'm just being honest. But aside from the recent domination of the headlines, today I will be talking about... duh duh duuuuh... GAYS.
If there's one thing television is proving, it's that gay culture is becoming much more accepted. Shows like Will & Grace, The 'L' Word, and The Teletubbies (See Fig. 1a) are forcing the stubborn public to at least take notice.
I have a family member, we'll call him... Anonymous Family Member A, who I watched struggle with his own sexuality. When I first met him, he was a bitter, quiet, short-tempered bastard who only left his room to eat. Now, we all knew he was gay, but he was closeted. I think he was 18 when he finally came out, and his entire temperment changed. You could see the relief in his face. He was happy, vivacious, and FABULOOOUS! I was so proud of him as were - most of - his family. Shortly after, Anonymous Family Member A had several shitty relationships until he found one that he enjoyed, and now he and his boyfriend live together.
I promise I have a point.... I have certain problems with homophobia that I will debate here.
1. "BEING GAY IS A CHOICE"
Woah there fictitious gentleman saying the above phrase!! I hate this statement, I really do. Gay people are often ridiculed by their peers, shunned by there parents and family, and tortured by their own feelings of alienation. That's like CHOOSING to be diabetic - or some other genetic issue that makes you 'different'... These kids are often hated.... HATED by their own parents because of their parents' own feelings of inadequacy. Being gay is one of the hardest lifestyles to deal with, especially because it surfaces mostly in the tender throws of puberty. Who would choose that? Hell, if being gay is a choice, thats like choosing to be ME (My mom hates me and I'm straight as an arrow!).
But I digress....
2. "GAYS SHOULDN'T GET MARRIED"
Why do you give a fuck??? As comedian Louis CK said, "you don't have to attend the wedding, or buy them a gift." Let gays get married and be miserable like the rest of us! If two people love each other to the point where they want to drain every last drop of patience, pride, and dignity out of each other for the rest of their lives.... Fuck 'em!
3. "I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE GAY, JUST DON'T HIT ON ME!"
First off, your thinly veiled bigotry isn't fooling anyone. You care very much if people are gay to the point where you don't even want to view them. Anyway... What are you talking about??? Your looks have transcended sexual preference. You should be flattered... you are the Meghan Fox of dick... Everyone wants to fuck you! I say kudos to you sir!
4. "GOD HATES FAGS"
Well then, God's an asshole... actually check that... The antiquated assholes that can't interpret the lessons of the bible and adapt them to today's circumstances are weeping, degenerate, spiteful, probably-fighting-their-own-gay-tendencies, ASSHOLES! Gays add so much to the fabric of this society it's incredible... What have you done besides hold up a hateful sign at a gay kids' funeral... Douche... Sorry...
The bottom line is this: ___________ <---- haha, you'll get that later....
Seriously though, I saw a picture that summed up everything I feel about this issue. It was a billboard on an English byway that said: "Some People Are Gay, Get Over It." I'm straight. I have a wife and two children, and I'm very happy with them... especially because my wife is hot!... BUT, stop hating people for shit they can't change about themselves. Whether you approve or dissaprove of their lifestyle, they are human beings who are amazingly beautiful people inside and out. If you had a gay child how would you treat them? Thankfully now, as I said before, gay culture is becoming pop culture. There is still a ways to go, but at least it helps.
Side note - Artie Lange had a funny joke about thinking there is TOO much gay content on TV. He said, 'It's gotten to the point now where if you're not gay.... You're a fucking fag!' I thought that was funny....
Side Side note - My wife is hot!! (See fig. 1b)
Fig. 1b
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Who I Am Hates Who I've Been
In order to occupy my fingers as my slow, spiraling decent into madness kicks on its' afterburners - and since one can only masturbate so many times in a day - I've decided to write down my mindless drivel in the hopes of maintining my own sanity, as well as teaching you all some valuable lessons that I just made up...
I think the main thing that attracted me to music was that it was mysterious. This mind-altering noise created by geniuses of whom I could only view from afar. These weren't people I could touch, smell, relate to, or even dream of being of their status. They were almost fictitious in the way that I would never know them... only to get brief peeks into their lives via backstage footage or 'Behind the Music'-esque documentaries. I had no idea who they were in their regular lives, only that they made the soundtrack of my life, and drove me to attempt to be them.
Nowadays the spectrum has changed. Thanks to twitter and facebook and myspace, I now know that Kristofer Drew (or however the fuck you spell his dumb name) LoVeS PeaNut BuTter And JeLly... Kanye West is nuts, and Lindsay Lohan has NOTHING TO SAY!!! Celebrities are dorks just like us.... I HATE THAT...
I miss the days where I idolized these people. I don't want to know what they eat for lunch, or where they are shopping. I liked believing they were Gods and Goddesses who ate rainbows and shit ice cream.... I don't want all access... I don't want to be their peers... I want them to be back on their unreachable pedestal where I can only throw rocks with hopes of getting their attention, and write unrequited letters (Thanks Fat Mike!?!!1??!?).
The point is... I love music as a thing. It's one of the most important things in life. It expresses what you feel better than you or I can. It's power is only matched by its' ability to make a change. Certain songs seem like they were written FOR me by someone I've never met. However, its' been humanized to a point where I can't stand it. I miss what I knew as music... There are no idols anymore... There are no Gods... And I fear there never will be.
Amen.
I think the main thing that attracted me to music was that it was mysterious. This mind-altering noise created by geniuses of whom I could only view from afar. These weren't people I could touch, smell, relate to, or even dream of being of their status. They were almost fictitious in the way that I would never know them... only to get brief peeks into their lives via backstage footage or 'Behind the Music'-esque documentaries. I had no idea who they were in their regular lives, only that they made the soundtrack of my life, and drove me to attempt to be them.
Nowadays the spectrum has changed. Thanks to twitter and facebook and myspace, I now know that Kristofer Drew (or however the fuck you spell his dumb name) LoVeS PeaNut BuTter And JeLly... Kanye West is nuts, and Lindsay Lohan has NOTHING TO SAY!!! Celebrities are dorks just like us.... I HATE THAT...
I miss the days where I idolized these people. I don't want to know what they eat for lunch, or where they are shopping. I liked believing they were Gods and Goddesses who ate rainbows and shit ice cream.... I don't want all access... I don't want to be their peers... I want them to be back on their unreachable pedestal where I can only throw rocks with hopes of getting their attention, and write unrequited letters (Thanks Fat Mike!?!!1??!?).
The point is... I love music as a thing. It's one of the most important things in life. It expresses what you feel better than you or I can. It's power is only matched by its' ability to make a change. Certain songs seem like they were written FOR me by someone I've never met. However, its' been humanized to a point where I can't stand it. I miss what I knew as music... There are no idols anymore... There are no Gods... And I fear there never will be.
Amen.
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